There was talk on the radio¹ about teenage drinking, smoking, and drugging². I don't currently have any teenage children³, but that won't stop me from espousing my hare-brained ideas. The US, while not alone in its rates of teenage drinking, certainly suffers from it more than many other nations. Look at Europe⁴, for example. I can't be bothered to actually look up some figures, but let's assume that their rates are much lower. I have to wonder if its because they treat alcohol like an everyday thing - it's no big deal. It's like water. It's not uncommon to let their 16-year-olds drink wine with dinner. Now, assuming that European teenagers are like American teenagers⁵, they are mortified by their parents. Anything that their parents do or let them do cannot possibly be cool. Ergo⁶, if their parents let them drink alcohol, then alcohol must be one of the most mundane and boring substances on Earth⁷.

1. Or redio, as I like to call it - I prefer pronunciations that make me sound like an old man
2. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
3. Because there is a god, his name is Larry, and he likes me for now
4. Put down the Star Wars action figures and look at it, already
5. Except for their awesome accents
6. From the Latin 'ergoes', meaning, "A prick is about to make his point"
7. Like Boron. Zing!