Someone famous who is now dead, possibly former President Howard H. Taft, once said that "the unexamined life is not worth living." I'm here to call malarky. Hold on, wait.... Well, malarky's not answering. Anyway, examining your life in great detail, such as one might do if they were filling out a very detailed background check form, is enough to make you depressed. Apparently, I have lived in so many different places in the last 7 years that the normal form that is provided is not long enough. Nor is the extension form. Two extension forms, plus the normal form, will just about cover it, however. And there's simply no room to write about that summer I slept in the area under the stairs (think Harry Potter, but with less magic and intrigue. Actually, no, nevermind, don't think Harry Potter, as it really isn't applicable).

If you're a person who works as a confirmer of background check forms, I think I have a new respect for you. If you're the person who actually ends up being the confirmer of my background form (it'll be the one written in crayons and smelling vaguely of Skittles), give me a call. I'll buy you a beer and regale you with stories of the time I lived in the kitchen pantry of former New York Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia