I've been thinking a little about military recruiting advertising recently. For the most part, it's bullshit. Yeah, I get that most advertising is bullshit. I once heard a story1 (or made it up during a Red Bull binge) that diamonds really weren't all that popular a gift until a little company known as DeBeers (not to be confused with "Da Bears!") found a diamond mine and hired someone to advertise the hell out of them. They put the idea in people's heads that you don't really love your wife unless you give her a diamond. Oh, also, diamonds are like, super scarce. There's only three in the entire world. So if you want one that you can actually, you know, see, get your checkbook. But diamonds come out of the ground. You know what else comes out of the ground? Dirt. Try giving your wife some dirt for Christmas. Such a double standard.

So the military has to rule out the honest approach. It's a hard job for very little pay. You get shot at. It's a lot like working the midnight shift at the Gas-N-Go except you can't steal the Slim Jims. So they have to appeal to patriotism and honor and other such qualities that you were supposed to learn by repeating the Pledge of Allegiance once a day from 1st to the 12th grade (Did anyone else think the word was actually "invisible"? How the fuck did we live in one nation, invisible?). I saw a billboard for the marines this morning that said, "We don't accept applications. Only commitments". Or something like that. It was early and I was drinking (Had the billboard actually said, "It's early and you're drinking. C'mon, join already", it might have been such an eerie coincidence that I would've had no choice but to sign up). That's a bit extreme, don't you think? I've never had a job interview where I've walked in and been immediately asked to pledge my loyalty without the company knowing anything about me.


On second thought, that's exactly how I ended up in that Turkish prison.